why get a tattoo?

I’m standing in line at an upscale coffee shop/brunch place in western Massachusetts post-run with a good friend.  It’s a typical social running kind of thing - pound some trails in the wilderness, get muddy, clean up with baby wipes in the car as much as you can, then get coffee and a bunch of well-earned carbs in your belly.  I never change clothes, as I typically choose to marinate in my own stink for a bit (much to the detriment of my fellow brunch eaters), so I’m in line wearing my not-so-modest running shorts and a sweaty singlet.  (It’s summer in Massachusetts, which means humidity, and lots and lots of ticks.)

As my friend and I chat away in line, I notice an elderly couple standing directly in front of us.  The woman gives me a dirty look, kind of a “this person is really gross, and I need to get out of here” kind of look.  And she says quietly to the man with her - guessing it’s the husband - “That is so disgusting.  Why would anyone do that to their body?”

She’s referring to me.  And she’s not referring to the trail dust, which has mostly been magically whisked away by baby wipes.  She’s referring to - and gesturing to - my tattoos, which are clearly visible, head to toe, since I’m in shortie-shorts and a little tank combo.  I’m heavily tattooed.  Meaning, I don’t count my tattoos.  In fact, when someone asks how many tattoos I have, I typically say, “Just one. It’s really big.”  It’s actually better to ask me what I do NOT have tattooed versus what I DO have tattooed, since there are very few places on my body at this point free of tattoos.  But I’m a tattooist, and honestly, I don’t think you should trust any tattooist who isn’t heavily tattooed themselves as I believe that shows a lack of investment in tattoo culture, let alone what it means to be a tattooed person.

Back to this woman.  My friend gasped when she heard what she said, completely offended.  So instead of simply “take it” and move on, I tapped the woman on the shoulder.  She nearly jumped out of her skin.  I asked calmly, “Hi, good morning.  Was there something you wanted to know?”  She was shocked that I talked to her, and simply said, “Oh, oh no, no - definitely not.”

“Are you sure?  Because it seemed like you really had a question about my tattoos.  I’m happy to answer it if you want.”  I tried to keep my tone really friendly.

At that point, she grabbed the man’s arm and walked as quickly as she could out of the cafe.

You can say all you want that tattoos are mainstream now and times have changed, blah blah blah.  Sure, true.  But still, there’s a point where you go from having a collection of tattoos (socially acceptable) to “being tattooed.”  And that isn’t nearly as understood, let alone accepted in polite society.  Again, part of why I think you shouldn’t trust a tattooer that’s not heavily tattooed, because they never will have experienced this bias themselves, so how could they ever adequately warn a client what may happen when they cross that threshold?

I never got to answer the woman’s question, the one about “why would someone do that to themselves?”  Well, why did you pick those shoes this morning?  Why did you cut your hair that way?  That’s my answer when I’m feeling flippant and sassy.  But in reality, the answer is indeed more complex.

There’s no one right reason to get a tattoo.  People get tattooed for ALL KINDS of reasons.  It’s a rite of passage when you turn 18.  It’s pretty cute when a momma brings in her kiddo on their 18th.  Some folks get tattooed out of rebellion, or in celebration of independence, such as my clients that have left conservative religious backgrounds.  Others celebrate the birth of a child, or in other cases, memorialize a child they may have lost, through miscarriage or another circumstance.  The divorce tattoo is a real deal - people are always shocked to hear about THAT one, but it’s actually super common to have a wife come in post-divorce and get the tattoo she’s always wanted because her ex specifically forbade her to get one.  (I even have a divorce tattoo - the cat skull on the back of my neck, since my ex wouldn’t allow me to get tattooed in such a visible area.  I got it three months after I kicked him out.)  Memorial tattoos of other kinds are also extremely common - handwriting of a loved one, the name, a flower or butterfly that had personal meaning, or even a stylized portrait.

For some of us, tattoos are deeply healing.  I grew up in an abusive home, one where my bodily autonomy and innocence were taken away at a young age.  I began getting tattoos largely to reclaim my body as my own, to decorate it as I wished, and to call it mine and mine alone.  I recognize these clients who are going through the same thing.  I understand this viscerally on every level.  My own tattoos are a story in many ways of my own recovery from a painful childhood, and learning to be my own person apart from what was once forced on me.  My tattoos have forced me to stand apart - to not be normal - and to live without apology for who I am and what I do.

As an artist, you never have to justify to me what reason you have to get a tattoo.  You don’t owe me - or anyone else - an explanation for how you choose to heal, to move forward, or to express yourself.  I’m not going to ask what your tattoo means, although if it does have meaning and you want to share, that’s totally cool.  I’ll hold space for that.

In the end though, if you just see something you love, and you want to decorate that beautiful body of yours, that’s all the reason you need to get a tattoo.  And I’ll honor you for that.